So it’s been two months since the last blog post. Holland is still a lovely place to be, but it’s been a lot harder to deal with….(if you didn’t read the last post you will be wondering what the hell that means now! *welcome to Holland poem, a must read*.)
We would love to report that it has been a wonderful start to Autumn but it hasn’t at all, it has actually been a shit time. We are honest about our ‘journey’ and feel no need to sugar coat a tough time. Although at this point again it is more of a ‘fight’ than a ‘journey’. Maybe we are always in a fight and sometimes we just have a break in the match, or this could just be a big bump in the road on the ‘journey?’ (How philosophical does that sound this early in the morning?! Ha!) Depending on the mood of the day it could be seen as either. Either way we have the boxing gloves on again.
In the last post we mentioned how Charlie was having some issues at school. These continued over his first half term in school. This was frustrating for us as at home he had been so settled, happy and to be honest a total delight to be with. The picture at school was very different. He was aggressive (hate this word! as he is not outwardly aggressive, his frustration can lead to outbursts but anyone who knows him knows he is not an aggressive child). He has been non compliant in tasks, no progress has been made and it is taking 2+ members of staff to engage him. This has been a new issue for us and school. As the home and school behaviours have always correlated and we can always make a link/find a trigger for this. This time school were finding trigger points hard to decipher and with C not presenting this way at home we were at a loss.
Frustration set in with us as parents and we did lay blame at school. As we assumed it had to be an issue at their end as he was not displaying anything like this at home. Communication between us wasn’t great, which is pivotal as C cannot communicate anything. We have a daily book that wasn’t being used effectively and this made the frustration grow more. This wasn’t good for anyone especially Charlie.
We pressed reset and had a very productive meeting with school and a rep from the LA SEN team this week, where they fully understood our frustrations and they stated the current situation in school. This opened the lines of communication more and explained a lot regarding his behaviours. He is in a new classroom (first move in 3 years) with new children and a lot of new staff and he needs a higher level of support than he used to, as well as a full sensory diet as a curriculum.
Moving forward on to year 7 the school feel that they will find it difficult to provide this for C. They can manage him going forward but want him to thrive as do we all. So the next step, for him, is one we never thought we would have to make. We thought school was set until he was 18…but now we are on the hunt for a new placement to meet his needs fully. His school are fully supportive in helping us find the right place for him and we appreciate all they have done over the last 5 years including their honesty at this point.
So we now look for another setting. One which will help further fulfil his needs, and give him the skills to function in society at a supported level. Which isn’t an easy task, we first need to find a placement and then actually secure it. We battled to get C into the out of authority school he is currently in. So the LA representative was told in no uncertain terms that this would happen again when we found the place that could meet his needs. SEN school places are generally decided by a panel who has never met the child. They read the EHCP and reports from school, OT, speech etc but they do not know the children they read about. This is a ridiculous system that the LA advisor assured us ALWAYS puts the child first (I don’t know who laughed harder at this point, us or the school staff!). We don’t need to get into the politics of this but that comment is basically a load of crap. It all comes down to a budget, a panel wouldn’t be needed if it didn’t. A school could simply assess if a child was suitable for their setting and if they had a place, allow them to attend. Instead a panel, who knows nothing of this child decides this, obviously on the basis of money as all councils have a budget, which we get! Money does make the world go round, so this is the nature of the beast we must battle. Although we were assured this wasn’t a ‘fight’ or a ‘battle’ from the LA but anyone who has been through this knows it is. It’s a frustrating battle against a pretty broken system.
We are now making sure C has an up to date report from the educational psychologist, OT and speech. His EHCP (educational health care plan) has changed considerably in the last meeting in terms of his needs and the level of support he requires. Which is the issue, he needs 2:1 throughout the day, a lot of settings cannot provide this, so the hunt is now on!
Charlie is unaware that this is going on. Since half term and a shake up in his class he has been happy at school for the first time in 9 weeks. A long 9 weeks. He is still so happy at home and is a total delight to be around. We are biased, but he is an amazing, funny, amazingly happy boy. He is wonderfully content and settled at home, his air of innocence shines through and he is loving his music and us signing to him (no matter how out of tune!).
We as parents are weathering the storm a bit at the minute but we will get there. We are a bit windswept and battered but we could be battling much worse fights! We have happy, healthy children which is a blessing in itself.
We are exhausted, stressed and sleep deprived but we are the only voice he has and we will continue to fight (YES mrs Local authority lady ‘fight!’ as what else would you call it!?) This is what any parent does for their children. Fight for the best for them, to make them thrive and be happy.
Bring it on… ?please hand us the coffee/pillow to scream into/booze to get us through!
Thanks for reading.
Much love,
The ?Freeman clan xxxx